Committed

I'm reading the followup to Eat, Pray, Love, which you can tell from a previous post I am absolutely in love with. So, I thought why not try out the sequel?!
I'm just about halfway through it and so far..so good.
Elizabeth Gilbert looks at the history and evolution of marriage and also puts her on views post-nasty divorce.
I love history and though she doesn't go into great detail there's still plenty there to appeal to that part of me. It's interesting to see how marriage has evolved and also get her perspective on it.
I myself am divorced. My divorce wasn't actually that bad.. by no means was it easy.. no it is never easy. It was actually the year leading up to it that was hell on Earth. Nevertheless, it's always interesting to take a look at someone else's viewpoint.
It's also nice to see that Gilbert has in no way given up on love. This can often happen to people post-breakup/divorce/whatever.

Case in point, someone I know very well met "the love of their life" a while back.. they made promises..ideas were shared..futures hoped for.. the whole nine yards practically. She even believed they were on their way down the aisle soon.
But out of the blue one day Mr. X announced he wanted to be with someone else.
You can imagine said woman did not take this very well.
Devastated isn't even a word I'd put to it.. it was more than that..bless her heart.

So, we're having a conversation some months later and she confesses she ran into Mr. X. who, by the way, broke up with her over the phone (ugh). (let me take this time to point out that this is in no way acceptable for any reason whatsoever, man or woman, grow a pair and do it in person deadgummit)

Anyway, she hadn't spoke with him since that horrific text/call whatever. Mr. X apologized for how he treated her and apparently they had a good conversation of sorts. BUT I wanted to know did she scream, shout, slap, or something!? This man had ripped her heart out and stomped on it for goodness sakes!!!
So she tells me, "No, because I still love him."
WHAT THE?!

Ok, no actually, I get that.
but "Huh?"
she says though Mr. X broker her heart she loves him, still cares for him, and wishes only healthiness and happiness for him. That she thought they were meant to be together, but obviously he thought different. And, she'd rather he be happy with someone else than not at all. And then she reminded me of this:

Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

And, she's right...who can disagree with that?


Which brings me to the first question I garnered from reading a part of Committed:
Why marry for anything but love?
Gilbert points out that love can be fleeting and often doesn't last forever. That the human heart and the human mind are ever-changing. Which, I do agree with. However, I think you can vow to love someone forever and make it last or it may not and you have to go your separate ways. but, I don't think that should let that keep you from falling in love and/or getting hitched.
I myself have wholeheartedly been in love 3 times in my life. I do not regret any of those times despite the fact that ALL of the relationships ended with me broken hearted. and just because I am divorced doesn't mean I don't believe in marriage. In fact, I believe I've learned valuable lessons from all my experiences and they'll make me stronger for the next relationship I may or may not get in.

Which brings me to my second question: Why stay together if one or both of you is unhappy or someone is being hurt in any way, shape, or form?
Several people have already replied to the first: "because of the kids" or "because of finances"
but I'm gonna have to say, in my own humble opinion, that this is NOT healthy.
Number 1, because kids know..they are NOT stupid, no matter how old they are. So if you are in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship they can sense that and it will directly affect their relationship with you and any future onces they get into. Find me a doctor/pyschologist/whoever that'll disagree. Go ahead.
and because of finances? bleck.. money isn't everything.. take it from this gal. Is it scary wondering where your next meal is going to come from? HECK YES. but I always believed God would find a way to provide. and He always has.

Unfortunately, I can speak as to why some people stay because they are being hurt in any way, shape, or form. They just do. They believe it will get better. They believe they deserve it. They believe it won't happen again. They believe their children don't know. They believe no one knows. I could keep going on and on and on.
Here is the only thing I can say on that: It will not get better, they will do it again, you do not deserve it, and someone knows. SO, if you are that someone that knows about ANY kind of abuse going on ANYWHERE. HELP THEM! Even if they tell you they don't need it or want it. THEY ARE LYING. HELP THEM!


So far, I really do like Committed. I hope there's a happy ending.. for all of us..
Well, except, you know.. criminals..evil people..and clowns. I hate clowns.


SONG OF THE DAY: Don't Stop Believing -Journey